The last few months I have had a case of the slow, or maybe the cuddles. It is kind of like depression, but without as much sadness. I haven’t felt motivated to write, garden, or go to social events. Mostly I want to sleep, watch TV, and knit.
On the upside, I’ve finished several knitting projects. On the downside, I am behind on editing my novel, the garden is a mess, and I haven’t been blogging. That is going to change. I have a goal to write 100,000 words before my birthday in July and to blog at least once a week. That will be easier now that my blog looks so amazing thanks to the awesome Issa Waters of http://lovelivegrow.com/. She is a great blogger who writes about homesteading, parenting, body/fat acceptance and social issues.
This might sound odd, but I think taking Zoloft has been partly to blame. With my anxiety being lower, everything seems less important. I don’t feel as stressed about anything, so I don’t have as much reason to push myself. I got on the Zoloft in order to be able to do more social events and maybe get back into the world of business, but now that I am so much more Zen, I don’t actually care about making people like me or being “seen,” and I am not as worried about money. There is a balance that must be found between loving the life I have and also wanting to make my life better. I am a little too content recently.
The last few weeks my motivation has increased enough to write down some long and short term goals, get the house back in working order, and start this year’s gardening. I also started work on a few writing projects.
In case you are wondering what I have been up to these last six months:
I went to Dragon Con for the first time in about eight years. It was a big deal for me to go to something with so many people and not freak out. I don’t know exactly how many people there were, but it might have been the biggest crowd I have ever been in. There were a few scary moments, like being stuck in human traffic jams on the sky bridge. Overall I had fun and even bought tickets for next year. Some of the highlights for me were playing dress up, looking at all the great costumes, hearing several great bands, and seeing some of my favorite writers such as Jim Butcher and Cheri Priest live. I like to imagine that someday I will be up in front of a crowd talking about my writing.
One of my best friends moved in with us, which has been awesome. We have been having lots of fun mini-adventures when she can tempt me away from the TV. I used to think that having roommates would be horrible, but now after having several I find that I like it. When she moves out, I might have to find another one.
She exercises everyday which has gotten me back into the habit. I love exercise; feeling my heart pumping and my muscles burning. I like how good exercise makes me feel, but I hate exercise videos because they talk about weight, fat, pounds, etc. all the time. The thin ladies in the videos often chastise the viewer for being lazy or tell us not to have jiggly arms. Shaun T’s videos have the least fat bashing, so I do those most. I am seriously thinking about putting together a body positive exercise video for people like me who want to exercise because they like it and don’t want to be shamed in the process. I find that exercise makes me a little more aware of my body and not always in a good, emotionally healthy way. I don’t need people in the TV adding to my issues.
I took a trip to Baltimore in November to eat crab cakes and be emo. I did some sightseeing and went to several museums. I recommend the Ripley’s museum if you ever find yourself there, we danced, played, created, climbed through a tooth pick city, watched teenagers run head first in to mirrors and saw some weird shit. It was interactive and informative on things I find interesting, like carnies and giant mummified whale penises. Speaking of mummies, the science museum had an awesome mummy exhibit, you should go see that too.
Attempted NaNoWriMo and failed. I thought I would do great this time, since I finished last year and had fun doing it. I started out strong, going to the social events, outlining a bit of a plot, even wrote a few pages. Then I hit a wall because I wanted to be culturally sensitive and I was working in a genre that I normally don’t write in. I will do better next year.
I read the Mistborn books by Brandon Sanderson, which was pretty good. Currently I’m reading “Ship of Theseus,” which is written in a strange and interesting way. It is two stories: one being told in the normal way, and the other being told in the margins, by two people passing the book back and forth. I finished the “novel” part of it, which was good, but not great, and seemed to be trying way too hard to be weird and mysterious.
Other than that, I went to a few plays and movies, spent a little time with friends, watched a lot of Adventure Time, created art, learned a few pieces on the piano and annoyed my cats
6 thoughts on “Distant”
I love how you call it the “slow” or the “cuddles”. I’ve been in this exact place since December. It’s not unpleasant, but man is it hard to do anything!
I liked reading your post 🙂
I normally get bad seasonally affected depression because when this happens I beat myself up over it. I make myself feel useless and like a horrible failure. This year I am trying to not to that. Shaming myself does not make me work any harder so there is no reason to do it.
It sounds like you have really done a lot lately! I always enjoy getting to read more of your writing, but don’t beat yourself up if that’s not the priority all the time.
Maybe I will have something to publish in the next few months. Editing is the hardest part for me, so I do everything I can to put it off, but I have a plan for how to deal with that. I am going to take my manuscript to a hiking trail or a coffee shop a few times a week to focus on it instead of cleaning, watching tv, knitting and cuddling kittens.
“Speaking of mummy penises…” There. I re-wrote that one sentence for you. 🙂
Yep. Human mummy penises too. That was an awesome exhibit aside from the difference in how they displayed mummies of different races.