Today’s advice was to not beat myself up about having bad days, just to try to do better next time. That’s good advice, but hard. My default state is to feel like I’m failing at pretty much everything and to always belittle my own accomplishments. Which sometimes makes me feel like if nothing I do is ever good enough then why do anything. Which of course leads to me not doing anything, and giving up on goals.
So far I’ve kept with this one, doing something every day, and yet, every day I feel like I’m failing. It doesn’t even make sense! Yesterday my timer said I worked 2 hours but I didn’t “write” anything other than the blog post. This made me feel like I hadn’t really done the challenge. I was spending time finding markets. Which is actually important and harder. This morning my brain is saying “well, that was wasted time, it’s not like you are going to submit anything, and if you do it’s not like anyone will ever buy it”. My brain is very mean to me. It speaks in the voices of all the people who have abused, criticized and rejected me. I have honestly had a pretty shitty life in some way, lots of shitty people in my life. I try not to think about it. I’m getting off topic. We can call that “free writing”. 🙂
Since I don’t have any exercises in the book today I’m going focus on the calls and work in 30-minute chunks today, as many as I can manage, which might be one.
First order of business was to put all the writing calls I found yesterday in order by day, pick the one with the soonest deadline and get started.
The first one is to write up to 4 pieces of speculative poetry, the deadline is May 27th. I started a poem about aliens a few days ago, maybe it will be useful for this project.
I worked on the first alien poem for a little while, but then I had a better idea and worked on that. He is a trippy image as a clue!
Total writing time today is 2 hours and 2 minutes