I’m just getting started at 9:20 pm. I was out shopping and spending time with friends, and then the handle on my front door broke and I had to fix that. I just finished getting everything set up for starting work tomorrow, which is all super confusing. I told them I had doctor’s appointment’s and asked if I could start on Tuesday, but no one replied. I am taking a 2$ an hour pay cut and I don’t actually have any idea at all what my new position entails. My writing is going to suffer because of going back to work. I know in a day or two I’ll be happy to be working again, but right now it feels like one more thing in the way of me ever doing something important. I guess it’s just end of vacation crankiness along with the illusion that anything anyone does is actually important.
Here is a picture of a cute cupcake I made for my friend last night, for his birthday.
I’m not feeling at all inspired to write tonight. My tummy hurts and I feel sad. Not sad about any specific thing, just sad. Sad to be going back to work, sad that I feel stressed and busy, sad that I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow that I might get in trouble for going to, sad that my diet isn’t going great. I’m prone to feeling sad, especially after spending a lot of time being social. This weekend has been a whole lot of face time with a whole lot of people.
It’s odd. I’m fucking delightful. Everyone says so, They say I’m funny, smart and nice. I’m often told that I’m entertaining to be around, a “people person” or the “life of the party”. But I’m not. I might look like a super fun cute, awesome person, but keeping that up as many hours as I did this weekend has a cost. I’m emotionally exhausted right now. I have so much fun with people at the moment, but afterwards, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. It’s like I burn out all my joy and leave myself empty and charred.
Which conveniently leads into the topic of today’s advice, “join your comrades”. It’s all about the benefit of working with other people on projects or just having a support who are doing something similar to myself. I’m supposed to join a writer’s group on meetup or maybe sign up for some workshops. I’m going to post on facebook and see if any of my friends want to get together for a weekly or even monthly writer’s event.
A community is very helpful to stay motivated and accountable. We are social animals regardless of how much my brain chemicals and tummy disagree with that right now. I need a pack, a tribe. When I have worked with other writers in the past I’ve done better work in less time than I do when working alone. For me, it’s about not wanting to disappoint anyone or hold back other people by being lazy.
Having something like that again could be helpful to my work ethic and help me be a better writer. I could learn from others who are more experienced or who have done things I haven’t. Maybe if I join a writing group I could learn more about getting an agent, or writing successful queries. I could learn better networking skills and get tips on good books to read or workshops to go to.
I’m going to try to work on speculative poetry, but I feel like the only poem that I could write currently would be something like
Bland, so bland.
almond, eggshell, off-white, linen
Toast is meant to stand alone, fuck your avocado hipster bullshit
cream, ivory, oatmeal, taupe
the only thing you should hear is Yanni
Bone, cotton, alabaster, porcelain
Unsweet iced tea please,
Hey, that was decent poetry. Boring, yet topical.
I finished the first draft of a poem, “Calling Ahead” for submission later this week. Posted on Facebook about starting a writer’s meetup.
Total writing time today is 1 hour and 27 minutes