Today’s topic is “resistance from other people”. The author talks about how people don’t like change, how our friends and family might want to be supportive, but they will actually push back against anything that messes up the stability of their lives. They are super happy you are working on something that is important to you, as long as it doesn’t get in the way of you being the person they are used to you being.
This isn’t actually a problem for me currently. My parents are dead. I don’t have children. Aside from a few holidays my nieces and nephews don’t “expect” me to be around. I have a lot of friends, but not a lot of steady dates with them. I don’t have a yoga class or weekly coffee date sort of thing with anyone. I generally hang out with a few friends over the weekend and go to a few parties. So far writing hasn’t really gotten in the way of my social life much. I was too busy to host ritual last month, so I guess a few people noticed that.
I know that the time I’m spending on my writing has had an affect on my boyfriend. I’ve had to write during times when he was visiting me, or I’ve had to write while he was driving us to some events. But mostly I work on things when he isn’t around, we have about 3 night a week that we spend together and I can work around them without too much trouble.
I live alone, so no one notices and is hurt if I don’t do the domestic things. No one notices if I stay up really late or work at odd hours. No one cares if I eat, or when.
When I was married my husband was both great for my writing and horrible for it. He was awesome in that he is an avid reader of the sorts of things I write and therefore able to give good feedback. He is great at spelling and grammars, so was a super helpful editor. There have been days this past month when I have missed him so much. I felt like he “got” my writing and when I wrote something he was proud of me and excited to read it. I think he liked the idea of being married to a writer, too. I’ve had to stop myself from talking to him about my work and emailing him stuff, especially a poem I finished recently that he would have loved. Divorce is hard, even though he has been gone over a year in some ways I am just not used to him not being here. No one likes my writing as much as he did. Other people in my life care that I’m doing something important to me, they care that I’m accomplishing my goals, but no one actually cares about my stories like he did.
However, Rachel Federman is correct about the resistance from a spouse too. When I was really into writing, like doing NANO or writing for Dryden our relationship would get strained. He would notice if I didn’t clean enough during the day, he would get annoyed if I didn’t want to take the time to make dinner with him or do things together in the evening. He didn’t understand the emotional strain of writing. I remember one of our worst fights was when I got rejected for a story I was sure I was going to be accepted for. I cried and he tried to make me feel better. When I wouldn’t just feel better, when I kept being sad he got really mad. He didn’t understand why it was such a big deal or why his attempt at comforting me didn’t fix it. I didn’t write much for a while after that.
So, anyway, today’s topic isn’t really a problem for me. Which is a good thing for my writing, because being alone is probably the best way to get things done. But is bad for me in other ways. I feel jealous of people who have happy marriages or close families. I often feel very isolated and I don’t feel like I have many people interested in reading my stories and giving me constructive feedback.
I’m working today (Full-time day job), so I’m working on the blog post during my lunch break. I’ll have to do the other writing after work. Today I’m going to do some research on the next place I’m scheduled to submit to, decide if I can edit something I already have or if I need to write something new. Then I’ll get to work on that.
Looking through my super fancy writing planner I found 4 stories that would be a good possible fit for this call. Two of them are finished but need editing and 2 aren’t finished. I have 3 days to get something ready and sent, so I don’t have time to write a new piece.
I’m going to pick one and try to clean it up tomorrow. If anyone wants to be a reader I will always appreciate it.
Total writing time 1 hour and 7 minutes.